Friday, 27 April 2012

Worst week ever.

Not to be dramatic, but I've had the worst week ever.
It started off with the previously mentioned bitchy comment then turned into something much bigger. When you are in a bad mood, everything begins to get to you.
So, tuesday I felt awful, worked all day trying to get essays done, stressing myself out about that and feeling genuinely worthless. I then proceeded to have a lack of support from my supposed friends, which was even worse.
Wednesday started off okay and wasn't too bad but had to come back home in the evening because of my flatmate needing an ambulance, not great.
Thursday was the worst. I was hungover to start, had to get up early and get caught in the onslaught of rain. It then turned out that the person who was meant to be my best friend at uni's flatmates told him they were annoyed at me being there all the time coz i was too late or something just as shit. He found it funny and didn't care that I was away this weekend and was upset. 
I told my other 'friends' at university and they also just wanted to talk about themselves which wasn't great. I felt so alone. I got on the train home, great relief in my heart, to be told as soon as I get back that my great uncle died the day before. 
The whole family is in shock as it was not an expected death at all, he wasn't even ill. So that added to the level of shitness that is my life. I've spoken to my real friends and they've made me feel better but I can't see them. I realise how much I miss them and need them. 
They say it can only get better but I'll believe that when I see it.
In the mean time, a picture of me and my bestest buddies.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Emotional teenager.

I am a strange one when it comes to feelings, I believe. Most of the time, I couldn't give a shit about what anyone thinks about me as I like to think I am quite strong-willed. I don't take much crap from anyone. But then, on the odd occasion, someone will make a small comment that could be meant as banter or just being bitchy but no harm meant and I will get highly upset and offended. I'm not sure why, I usually get over these incidents relatively quickly but I wonder to myself what I let people I hardly know and what they think about me bother me. 
Everyone has insecurities and what not but there's not much people can say that keeps me down. I've had my fair share of horrible comments thrown at me and I've learnt to take them on the chin but the occasional one slips through and bothers me. I try to toughen myself up and listen to some inspirational music and talk to some friends but the bit in between is not nice.
I feel a bit like that today and I'm hoping that tomorrow will be better. 

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Is this real life or is it just fantasy?

I'm one of those people who lives half of my life in a dream world, a fantasy. I've always had very vivid, interesting, complicated dreams that I always remember the next day and as they often contain people I know, I bring them into the real world with me and relay them back to my friends, asking what they mean and how strange it was that a certain person did that in my dream or popped up. I love dreaming as it gives me an escape from reality. As, to be honest, reality isn't always that great.
Sometimes, I wish I could mould my own life, determine what imaginative things happen, what handsome men I meet, what adventures I go on. But then, what's life if not a surprise? That's the fun part: the not knowing.
I love films, always have, always will. I like every genre and can easily immerse myself into someone else's life or a make-believe world. I often wish I knew a character or lived in a magical land but that's just not going to happen. I dream in desire of fantasy things.
I know that these things aren't real and fantasies of a different land won't come true but it won't stop me wishing. I just need my reality to become magical.

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

I haven't blogged in a while. So much happens in such a short time.

Sorry to all those who read my blog. I haven't blogged in a while. I've missed it.
My blog in a sense is my diary and every now and again I really need to release some thoughts upon unsuspecting victims readers.
I'm back at home at the moment, have been for over 2 weeks and will be for another week and a half. Uni has broken up for the time being.
It's so strange having two places to live. My home that I've always lived in is so lovely to come back to and strangely, sometimes, I do miss my parents and especially my cat, Treacle. Whenever I have to come home, I don't want to leave uni but then as soon as I'm home, I don't want to go back. I reunite with my best friends and we have the best times like we used always have and then I forget the fun I have at university. I go back to the feeling of when I first went to university and the fear of being homesick. Being homesick (in my opinion) is one of the most horrible feelings in the world as you can't really do anything to stop it. I was dreading how homesick I would be when I first went but never really was. I enjoyed it too much. I get pangs of it, of course, on a bad day.
I recently skyped one of my best friends from univeristy for 4 hours. He made me feel alot better about going back to uni as I remembered how much I adore him. And another of my good friends is coming down to where I live tomorrow and I get to see her.
If I think about it, there is nothing to stay at home for when my friends have gone but I do miss them terribly. I remember how much they accept me for me, however foolish and stupid I can be. They know me inside out and are the weirdest bunch of people I have ever met, which is great coz I am even weirder.
My friends at uni are great but I do wonder sometimes, can they ever compare? I hate to ask it but sometimes I'm not sure.
I will leave you with a brilliant quote from Jack Dawson (Titanic 3D is the best thing ever, go watch it)
"I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You have to learn to take life as it comes to you... to make each day count."