Thursday, 19 July 2012

I just can't play it cool.

 In pretty much every situation in my life I am the last person you would accuse of playing it cool. I am getting better now (hopefully) but I used to be HORRIFIC. I just can't seem to keep a cool head or think clearly in situations that need it most. Actually, only in situations that involve me directly. If someone else is injured or having a problem, I am probably the best person to have there, I just wished that translated to my life.
 For example, if I like a guy I can't simply wait for them to text me or not talk them on Facebook. I HAVE to speak to them. It's like an obsession but then I can get over someone within a matter of days if they do one little thing I don't like. My nature is persistently mercurial. It can get very annoying. It is ten times worse when I am drunk (which is a lot of the time). I do the drunken texting, phone calls, Facebook comments and wake up with a feeling of absolute dread and regret. It used to be the same when I was sober, unable to stop myself from texting someone and playing it cool. Thankfully, I have much more sense in my head nowadays and know that it is NOT attractive. I also know people who are very similar and cringe at how obvious they are when they like someone, reminding myself I act very similarly.
 A lot of the time, I try to cover it up with humour. Make jokes and what not which makes things marginally better but there's still the awkward apology. Texting someone the next day saying 'sorry I rang you last night asking if you loved me'. Not cool, Grace, not cool.

 It's the same if I feel like someone has a problem with me or I have a problem with them. Half the time, I just can't hold my tongue and HAVE to say how I feel. It's something I pride myself on most of the time, having the courage to say how I feel and not being shy and retiring but then other times I think to myself, did I really have to say that? 
 I truly envy those people who don't reply to a text for a couple of hours, keeping a guy waiting. The people who never reveal their true emotions too obviously and play it cool. The people who only express their opinions when it's something they really believe in and ignore all the snide remarks made about them. 
 But, if things are progressing in the right direction then maybe one day I'll be out one night and won't feel the need to send an emotional text.
 One day.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

What's been happening recently

 I haven't blogged in a while and really feel like doing a post of updates and thoughts rather than my usual rant or indepth *cough* thoughts.
 I am at home at the moment, actually enjoying it. I've caught up with friends I haven't seen in months, got drunk multiple times and actually been doing a bit of work. So far, so good. I got back from Menorca 2 days ago and had a great, relaxing time with my parents. And usually spending time with my parents is anything but relaxing. I actually did some reading, which considering I'm doing an English degree, you would consider to be a normality but sadly it is not. 
 Today, oddly, I saw 'Magic Mike' with my best friend and ... my mum. I'm not even sure how that happened. My mum spent most of the time laughing or making whooping noises at the male strippers on the screen. Not sure I can actually blame her...
 I'm loving being back with my best friends and reminding myself how much I love them, despite how much we bicker! I really do miss being home; when I'm here I'm reminded of how many lovely people I know here and how much fun we have. There's the flip side, of course, of the absolute twats who inhabit Eastbourne also. And so it's the same as it's always been. Sometimes, I don't like change and so consistency here can be a good thing. That's not to say everything's completely the same though; I'm finding it interesting to see how some people have changed since staying at home and not having their friends around or how people who have gone to university have changed. 
 Some of my friends have now become into heavy drug-taking or the lighter abuse of alcohol (which they had never properly touched before). Some people think they're fucking 'it' and think they are high and mighty since mingling with 'cooler' people. Some people can no longer give you the time of day. However, it is important to point out the people who have stayed the same, mainly my closest friends. They're still as funny and lovely and kind as ever. And we're still as close as ever. The best kind of friendship.
(I don't see us changing much)

 Oh, yeah, very importantly, I PASSED MY FIRST YEAR!!! How did that happen?! No one 
knows. I actually got a fairly decent grade as well. Pretty proud of myself.