Reading Fest '12

 Recently, I've been feeling very emotional. There are some people who have been contributing to that; people who have been messing with me but I had to put that all aside for the time of year that is Reading Festival. I went for the first time last year and had the time of my life. Things couldn't get much better; friends, alcohol and music.
 This year was slightly different, I was going with different friends and of course, there were different bands. 
 It turned out that, of course, it was amazing. I met some HILARIOUS people and became closer with the friends I did go with. Most of the talk (as last year) was crude and filthy. The drinks flowed and the loud singing continued in great abundance. The bands were AMAZING and I definitely saw more music than last year which was a definite plus. It, also, showed me the amount of attractive, young men there are in the world and how you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket (e.g. don't set your sights on the men in the tiny town you live in). 
 However, coming back from Reading is always a happy relief.. a warm bed, a cooked meal, an early night, catching up with my girls. Still, the come down will always come back round.

 Now all I am is emotionally drained. Not sure which is better/worse.
Xo.

You know it's bad when..

You dream about someone. Then you wake up thinking it was real, HOPING it was real. And when you start thinking about someone when you really shouldn't. Keep saying to yourself it's just a phase. And it will be.

I have no right to...

... But I am getting VERY frustrated with this situation that I have got myself in. Expecting things I have no right to expect then getting annoyed as my hopes are getting too high and more and more unrealistic. NOT PRACTICAL. Maybe it's best I am disappointed and upset now and sparing myself later. 

Bad timing.

I think this just about sums it up.

I just can't play it cool.

 In pretty much every situation in my life I am the last person you would accuse of playing it cool. I am getting better now (hopefully) but I used to be HORRIFIC. I just can't seem to keep a cool head or think clearly in situations that need it most. Actually, only in situations that involve me directly. If someone else is injured or having a problem, I am probably the best person to have there, I just wished that translated to my life.
 For example, if I like a guy I can't simply wait for them to text me or not talk them on Facebook. I HAVE to speak to them. It's like an obsession but then I can get over someone within a matter of days if they do one little thing I don't like. My nature is persistently mercurial. It can get very annoying. It is ten times worse when I am drunk (which is a lot of the time). I do the drunken texting, phone calls, Facebook comments and wake up with a feeling of absolute dread and regret. It used to be the same when I was sober, unable to stop myself from texting someone and playing it cool. Thankfully, I have much more sense in my head nowadays and know that it is NOT attractive. I also know people who are very similar and cringe at how obvious they are when they like someone, reminding myself I act very similarly.
 A lot of the time, I try to cover it up with humour. Make jokes and what not which makes things marginally better but there's still the awkward apology. Texting someone the next day saying 'sorry I rang you last night asking if you loved me'. Not cool, Grace, not cool.

 It's the same if I feel like someone has a problem with me or I have a problem with them. Half the time, I just can't hold my tongue and HAVE to say how I feel. It's something I pride myself on most of the time, having the courage to say how I feel and not being shy and retiring but then other times I think to myself, did I really have to say that? 
 I truly envy those people who don't reply to a text for a couple of hours, keeping a guy waiting. The people who never reveal their true emotions too obviously and play it cool. The people who only express their opinions when it's something they really believe in and ignore all the snide remarks made about them. 
 But, if things are progressing in the right direction then maybe one day I'll be out one night and won't feel the need to send an emotional text.
 One day.
Xo.

What's been happening recently

 I haven't blogged in a while and really feel like doing a post of updates and thoughts rather than my usual rant or indepth *cough* thoughts.
 I am at home at the moment, actually enjoying it. I've caught up with friends I haven't seen in months, got drunk multiple times and actually been doing a bit of work. So far, so good. I got back from Menorca 2 days ago and had a great, relaxing time with my parents. And usually spending time with my parents is anything but relaxing. I actually did some reading, which considering I'm doing an English degree, you would consider to be a normality but sadly it is not. 
 Today, oddly, I saw 'Magic Mike' with my best friend and ... my mum. I'm not even sure how that happened. My mum spent most of the time laughing or making whooping noises at the male strippers on the screen. Not sure I can actually blame her...
 I'm loving being back with my best friends and reminding myself how much I love them, despite how much we bicker! I really do miss being home; when I'm here I'm reminded of how many lovely people I know here and how much fun we have. There's the flip side, of course, of the absolute twats who inhabit Eastbourne also. And so it's the same as it's always been. Sometimes, I don't like change and so consistency here can be a good thing. That's not to say everything's completely the same though; I'm finding it interesting to see how some people have changed since staying at home and not having their friends around or how people who have gone to university have changed. 
 Some of my friends have now become into heavy drug-taking or the lighter abuse of alcohol (which they had never properly touched before). Some people think they're fucking 'it' and think they are high and mighty since mingling with 'cooler' people. Some people can no longer give you the time of day. However, it is important to point out the people who have stayed the same, mainly my closest friends. They're still as funny and lovely and kind as ever. And we're still as close as ever. The best kind of friendship.
Xo.

(I don't see us changing much)

 Oh, yeah, very importantly, I PASSED MY FIRST YEAR!!! How did that happen?! No one 
knows. I actually got a fairly decent grade as well. Pretty proud of myself. 

First year at uni.

Wow, where to start?! Your first year at university is probably one of the biggest years of your life. For most people it is the year you leave your parents and home, the time to gain your independence. I was so worried before starting Reading University; worried people would hate me, I wouldn't fit in, that I would miss my friends and family, that I couldn't cope living by myself, that uni life wasn't for me, that I would actually end up hating my course, that I'd be lonely. Turns out I didn't have much to worry about. Like everything, university has had its ups and downs. 
The ups are that I met the most amazing people, many of them I hope to be life-long friends, I partied all year long, I enjoyed my course, I loved my accommodation and the people in it and I enjoyed my independence. Of course, there were wobbles when I felt low and wanted my family but I believe that happens to everyone!

(Some of my uni buds on my birthday)


To end the year, we had summer ball which was probably one of the best nights of my life. We danced all night long, without a care in the world and just living the high life.
The before and after pictures are quite a sight so I shall share them with you.
BEFORE:

AFTER:

Quite the transformation.
Summer ball summed up pretty much how I felt the first year of uni went, PARTY WITH FRIENDS.
There have been many an argument this year, lots of drunken crying and drunken laughing; break-ups and make-ups but I think it's made us all stronger and better friends.
All I can hope is that I pass this year of uni (unlikely), have an awesome summer and hopefully a smashing second year!
Reading University, I love you.
Xo.