I believe in good weeks and bad weeks.

I do believe in fate, karma and what not. I also believe that you can have good weeks and bad weeks. This week was a good week. I sorted out a house for next year at uni, I had drinks with friends and had a good laugh, I didn't miss any lectures or seminars, I met my friend's boyfriend and adored him, I saw We Will Rock You (fkin amazing), frolicked in the snow and had an awesome night last night. Of course, I did something embarassing but that is just to be expected. All in all, I am happy at the moment. But knowing my luck and how my life likes to work, who knows how next week will go?! One can only hope it will be good.

Yeah, last night was amusing.

It's not alcoholism.

I've been thinking recently about the amount of alcohol I and many others consume as your stereotypical teenager. Obviously, everyone is different but myself and friends of mine and alot of people I know are big drinkers and drink alot of alcohol every week. This is sometimes seen as the norm and other times seen as a big problem. I, personally, enjoy drinking and alcohol much more than I probably should. I get bored in a week if I can't have a drink and go out, party and do stupid/fun things. Sometimes, situations arise because of this that aren't great but that is the risk you take when you choose to live your life like this. Being at uni is seen as a great oppurtunity to do whatever you want and drinking is seen as a big part of this. And it is true. I drink alot more than I used to but that is saying something as I used to drink alot at home, also.
Now, this doesn't make us alcoholics but clearly there are many dangers with this. I'm the last person to preach or make a change but my drinking has got out of hand before. I wonder now where the line is drawn between a serious problem and just having fun.
This weekend, for example, I properly encountered my first drunk aggressive male. I went back to a friends after an awesome night out and instead I met his friend who slapped me in the face and as I drunkenly went to retaliate, he snapped and said some very nasty things to me. He then drunkenly apologised and I drunkenly accepted but I still haven't had the best weekend because of it.
I am now wondering, whether I'll be able to stop going out and getting so drunk because of it. I want to try. Feeling shit over something like that isn't worth it but is unavoidable.
Xo.

A happy post.

Time for some positivity. Last night, I had one of the best nights I've had in a very long time. It was drama free, with people I adore, meeting new people and actually just having a swell time. Of course, I am suffering drastically today after getting in at 4:15am and attempting to get up for my 9 o'clock lecture and failing. I looked hideous all day and felt like shit but it seemed a small price to pay for having an eventful (in a good way) evening.
It is very rare I have a  night like that, they're either average or disastrous with the occassional very fun night thrown in for good measure. I didn't do anything particularly cringy, I laughed til I cried, ate a whole pack of coco pops after a bottle of vodka and promptly threw up. Turns out cereal and water aren't that fantastic together.
I have annoyingly high expectations for the next night now which isn't so good as it will surely disappoint but last night, I felt brilliant.

A picture from another rare brilliant night out.
Xo.

Bitchiness.

Update after the last post: me and the girl are all cool. I'm still the only one who has apologised and she accepted it so that is that. It's time to move on and concentrate on more important things. Had an awesome week after that, saw We Are The Ocean, caught the drummer's drumstick, went out and had the best time at the union on saturday and chilled with my girls on sunday. Now it's the week after and uni work is beginning to kick in. I really am one of the less motivated, students and am not doing particularly brilliantly thus far. I try so hard to concentrate but my brain literally always wanders onto something else and it's so fricking annoying. Yes, I got into uni but that took bloody effort and tons of luck. MASSIVE STRESS. Also trying to sort out a flipping house for next year is tense times.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about what I have come to realise about bitchiness and bitches. There are some girls, I hate to say it, who we all agree on, are bitches. There's no way around it, no good thing we can see that they have done ever in their lives. Obviously, everyone acts like a bitch and bitches sometimes (or alot of the time) but that doesn't make them a bitch. Some people, however, seem to have it engrained into their soul that they must be horrible to everyone else to make themselves feel and look better to other people. And it's stupid. Being at uni, I have chilled out quite alot and despite the past incident, I do feel like I've matured and got over alot of stupid, childish, bitchy things. If I've got something to say, you'll hear it to your face and we will talk it out. I can't be doing with behind the back drama. It's too much nowadays.
There aren't many girls at uni like that but I am still aware of some people who thrive on drama and bitchiness. It's pathetic. All everyone should want in life is to be happy and I can't see how making other people feel bad can make you feel better.
Fair enough, I think that the people doing the bitching deserve abit of karma but they might learn from that.
More drama to add is my ridiculous drunken texting and calling. It is getting severely cringy yet after a couple of drinks I can't seem to help myself. I am embarassing myself and generally being a prat. Thus is my life.

This is me as a cat. One of my less shameful antics.
Xo.

Guilt. Regret. Hate.

After my last blog post, I still feel like shit. I really feel like a horrible, horrible human being yet annoyed that I willingly took all the blame for what was a group's actions. Everyone is backing me up, saying not to worry but they aren't being scrutinsed for it.
I never knowingly do mean or horrible things as I consciously now how actions make other people feel. I am not that bitch who everyone is scared of and I deserve to be punished for my actions.
I regret what happened, I feel guilty about it and I hate myself for it.
Today and yesterday have not been good days.

I am a horrible person.

Tonight, I've been the biggest bitch imaginable. I've never, ever been so horrible. I don't know what came over me.
Basically, there's this girl who is one of my best friends at uni's flatmate. She has never been sociable or particularly nice but never horrible. Tonight, I was relatively tipsy but not drunk and began to throw jelly at her door with my friend. I was trying to make my inconsolable friend who didn't like this girl feel better by attacking someone else. Absolutely awful. Several of my other friends came in and did the same, asking why we were doing this, I said "because she is a massive bitch and not someone anyone else likes".
What I didn't realise was that she was in her room and heard everything. She came out and understandably screamed at me.
I don't know her that well and I was horrific. I have never sunk lower. How do you recover from such a thing? I don't know, I haven't figured it out. All I know is that I am worse than she'll ever be.

Back at uni.

So I'm back at uni, have been for only two days and already the drama has started. One night out and a new set of memories. Already my friend has ended it with the guy she was seeing, with endless crying, my flatmates have been getting it on with each other and new guys have arrived on the scene.
One drunken evening can make it seem like you've been back at uni for a week. My NYE resolution has stood up so far so I'm happy: no shameful activities thus far. Apart from defacing my flatmates room when he accidentally left it open after going out for a night. (All in good fun mwaha)
Waking up this morning (with a fresh hangover), one of my friends was in A & E, one of them was crying their eyes out about last night and the others were laughing hysterically at our antics i.e. getting with my female flatmate to make a guy jealous. Which worked if you were wondering...
Leaving home to come back to uni was stressful, I didn't wanna leave my friends and family but being back reminds me of the fun there is to be had here.
We live in our own little world here, in which we only travel to campus and to town. Everyone is so involved with each other here, it is easy to forget the "outside" world. And then you can get a shocking reminder that there is a world outside of university and suddenly you're not sure what is reality.

(A picture of happy, drunken, uni times)